Boss-Man's Layoff-Speak
Let's face it. No one wants to get shit-canned. But companies shouldn't make it worse by using soothing euphemisms for the act:
|
|
Top "Reality" Euphemisms for Corporate Layoffs
- Eternity leave
- Down-shafting
- Transferring to the couch division
- Dissing the Gruntled
- Corporate liposuction
- Preventing Carpal Tunnel
- Increasing the ratio of Chiefs to Indians
- Improving the Odds in the Office March Madness Pool
- Fueling Demand for Lottery Tickets and Malt Liquor
- The Corporate Catch-and-Release Program
- Giving You a Shot at Posting Your Very Own Negative-Growth Quarter
- Causing 404s on the Career Server
- Moving 1/3 of Your Workforce to Within a Dead Dog and a Cruel Woman of a Blues Classic
- Helping stem the dangerously high employment rate
- Giving Bruce Springsteen Something to Sing About
- Issuing Transfers to Pets.com
- Hiring a Bunch of New People, Only Backwards
- Ass-Harvesting on the Cubicle Farm
- Beaming the Red-Shirted Extras Down to the Evil Monster Planet
- Reallocating senior management's bonus resources
- Separating the Wheat From the Wheat That Doesn't Kiss Enough Ass
Think You'll Be Laid Off?
Seriously, here are a couple of links that may help. Hang in there. Before you know it, you'll have a better job. Then, you can create a Web site trashing your old employer. Won't that feel good?
