Home > How To > Things You Should Tell Your Sorry-Ass Boss About Yourself

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 3:30 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
• If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic
• If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped
• If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs
• If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information
• Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
• Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
• If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.